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[For as well as he knows Aziraphale, for all that he's frequently gambled his safety on the angel's predictability, Crowley really wasn't sure what reaction to expect in response to all this. It's so far outside the realm of experience that there was really no way to guess.

A mix of confusion and distaste does seem fair, though, and it was roughly how he felt about the entire business, too. They aren't humans, with relatives who look similar; this is an entirely new situation for the both of them and it's so incredibly odd.

And yet, despite it all, Aziraphale complains about them being children and Crowley can only laugh, startled and delighted.]

That's usually how it goes with humans, yes. That's what we'd look like, if we'd ever been young. Not sure it suits me.

[He was too..... pretty.

Same for Aziraphale, but Aziraphale is allowed to be pretty, he's an angel.]

[ Oh to have such a nice laugh and to use it to be so mean to his beloved friend, making this whole thing feel ever so slightly less-- whatever it is. Impossible. Terrible. Confusing.

How dare. He's a menace. Aziraphale loves him. So he has himself a bitchy dramatic sigh about that. ]

Nor me. [ Physical presentation is a funny old thing. Not difficult for them to change around at all, as needed or desired. Six thousand years on Earth, these sorts of things will happen, though he always goes back to his preferred default.

Just containers, really, probably oughtn't be attached. He's had changes suggested, goodness knows. But, well, his preferred default is comfortable for him. He likes it. He likes to think it makes humans comfortable, too. And Crowley, for whatever that's worth, for all that he can hardly ask him that much.

Apparent age never really factored into the equation even when he has needed to change things up a bit, though. It's so strange. So humany.

Aziraphale sits down at his desk. He starts re-foldering the pictures in what he thinks looks most like chronological order even though there aren't a ton of them. Mostly for something to do with his hands. ]

And yours even has your exact side profile... [ Gay. ] Gosh, that's spooky, isn't it?

[What's the point of Crowley if not to do something a bit silly that helps ground Aziraphale?]

I dunno, things got a tad iffy on occasion — [Sorry Michael but some of your styling...... was bad] — but yours was very cherubic when he was young.

[Ways to say that he thinks the actor was very pretty without actually using words that imply physical attraction because that would be super weird, even if he does think he's quite attractive. He wouldn't want Aziraphale to be that young or skinny, but it suited the man.]

S'very spooky. Not in the good way. [He usually likes spooky!] They've both got wives, too, and kids. We haven't even got proper DNA.

[Wives. What a concept.]

[ A little snort. Prime application of an angel pun, as a treat. Silly. ]

We can split all the uprights and say jolly good for two very charming-looking young men.

[ For whom youth was a design feature. That's fine enough to say, he thinks. Charming. Handsome, yes, both of them, sure.

"Wives and kids" sideswipes him. God, these actors really are real human men who have DNA and families... these men are just out there in the world somewhere. With their wives and children.

Actors! Who auditioned! Got parts playing them, at about the right physical ages, and memorized a script and rehearsed and got costumed and filmed whatever bits they had on camera. It went on television. ]

Crowley, we are dealing with odds that would have given Agnes Nutter a run for her money. Might have run circles around her! It's ridiculous. I'm, I'm not sure if I'm excited or horrified.

[ He closes the folder but then he isn't sure what to do with his hands so he just kinda hovers them over the desk for a second. We are clearing the brain whiteboard. We are processing.

Every passing second, he's madder that they're not from a book because part of him wants to absolutely dissect the thing. Aziraphale is very normal. ]

[The most important part of what happened here is that Aziraphale used the word charming-looking to describe someone who looks exactly like him. Sort of. It's not entirely there but he thinks it's close enough to count as a win.

What's also important is that he can practically see Aziraphale's brain having Some Trouble with processing all this, which is equally fair as his earlier reaction, since Crowley is sort of having the same trouble. He's solving his problems by turning his focus outward, onto Aziraphale, rather than thinking too hard.]

She'd have mentioned it, surely, if she'd seen it coming.

[He's going to lever himself out of his chair so he can grab two glasses and pour them both a generous amount of whiskey.

He presses one glass into Aziraphale's hands.]

Have a drink, it'll make it easier.

Hard to say, really. She had limited time and quite a lot of other issues to cover.

[ Like the apocalypse, and "Beta Max," and telling him his cocoa went off, and saving their lives.

If she'd been able to publish more, would her vision have followed them still? Or just stayed broad, worldwide, maybe happened to include something relevant to them here and there? Could it have even extended out into other realities? ]

No, no, yes, you're right, you may have a point. Due consideration. [ About the mentioning or the drinking? Yes. Both are good. Will in fact be having that drink, thank you Crowley. ] Oh, but it's fascinating. Spooky-fascinating. Enthralling.

[ The entire march of human history and linear time and genetics to lead to two eerily identical men playing their roles in a story that someone apparently channeled from beyond the ~veil~. Fucking insane. ]

[The whole book of prophecy situation is something that Crowley tries not to think about for a variety of reasons, only some of them having to do with the bookshop fire and subsequent awful drive he made to Tadfield with the book in tow.

Despite being uncertain how Aziraphale would take all this weirdness, he finds that he isn't all the surprised by the word choices. Fascinating. Enthralling. Like the book of prophecy, it's something so outside their realm of experience that of course that angel wants to dig in and study it; there's a kind of sense to it, when they know so much about the world, the few things that are Other tend to be exceptionally interesting.]

You have to wonder how it all shook out. They've got Fates here, I think I heard them mentioned, so I suppose it could be their work.

[Fate is another thing he has complicated feelings about, but it's easier to talk about in a world that isn't theirs. Maybe they knew this was coming and made sure the actors would be in place, but that's a lot of threads to weave, he has no idea whether it would be possible.]

Shame we can't go meet them.

[He's curious, to see what kind of people they are.]

Ooh. Fates.

[ He says it like ~Fates~. He says it in cursive. Eventually he'll probably find himself a notebook just to write down little things like that and pretend he can solve the meta narrative that way.

Fates.

Seems like an awful lot of work, for how many beings have been pulled here. New Guardians, he supposes that's what they're calling them. If the shoe fits, as they say. ]

That is a shame. It might be for the best, of course. [ Given the circumstances. ] If they're career actors, I'm sure we'll still be able to find plenty of information about them. Should we so choose. Of course.

[ "We." In this modern era it would probably mostly take computers, so really he means Crowley. ]

You can probably chat to them if you're prepared for a headache.

[The Fates, that is. He remembers them being mentioned when Jack was giving them all the rundown of the situation, so they can probably be tracked down for a conversation, it's just that he figures they'll be the cryptic and annoying sort.

Aziraphale is used to Heaven's nonsense and deciphering weird prophecy books, so he may have better luck that Crowley would. Crowley would likely just get fed up and threaten to bite someone.]

I've already had a look at some of their work. They've both done a lot on stage, including some Shakespeare. They've both played Romeo and Hamlet, actually. Yours has done Henry V, mine's done Richard II and Much Ado, which is brilliant, I've always loved that one.

[Note to self: find out who was the better Hamlet, just to have a petty competition about nothing important.]

Might do.

[ Will he get anything concrete from it? Maybe not. But it's a thought.

Anyway wait hang on forget all the rest of it- ]

Ohhh, they've both done Shakespeare. [ Like Crowley just said yes good job registering it. But consider: BABE,,,,,,,,, that's like Our Guy. They both played Hamlet!!! BABE THAT'S OUR PLAY,,, ] That's so lovely.

[ It's adorable no he loves this ]

Thought you'd get a kick out of that.

[He's pretending this is about Aziraphale's fondness for Will and definitely not anything to do with how Crowley miracled Hamlet to be one of the most popular of his plays, just because Aziraphale made sad eyes at him.]

I'm not sure if they've recorded any of them, I got sidetracked looking at all those bloody photos, but if you're curious I can look into it.

[Aziraphale might like to live vicariously through these men, for something meaningless like acting on the stage in a Shakespeare production.

Plus, it might be a good way to ease into watching the actual bloody show about themselves.]

[ An undefeated pretending champion if ever there was one. ]

Please do. I'm very curious.

[ Hmm. It could almost sort of be like having a free pass to openly stare at Crowley's face for a very long time.

Not as nice as the real thing, of course, but still sort of nice. Novel, even. That's a bonus, surely. ]

Oh, I hope it doesn't turn out he wrote them differently in this reality. They're so nice the way they are.

[ He'll have to find a collection to go through to make sure he doesn't get jumpscared. Just in case. (What a relief it will be to find Shakespeare reliable as ever, considering he doesn't own any of his original souvenirs anymore.) He ought to check up on so many different authors and titles, but the nice thing about not looking is not having to know for certain what actually is different. ]

[New Task Unlocked: spend several hours reviewing Shakespeare plays featuring these actors to make sure there's nothing that might bother Aziraphale in them.]

It's Shakespeare, it'd be weird to change it.

[There are millions of variations in the entire multivetse but Crowley has decided that Shakespeare is too important to change.]

You know what else? It isn't just the two of us, everyone else looks exactly how they're supposed to, angels, demons, all the humans. Even the bloody dog. Obviously the ones playing demons have make up and the like, since their faces aren't actually rotting off, but underneath all that it's the same bloody face.

It would.

[ How smug will Aziraphale be about the potent combo of both Hamlet becoming popular in this world without any miraculous intervention whatsoever and that meaning that Hamlet back home is extra special because Crowley made it popular for him? Remains to be seen.

This is such a roller coaster of a conversation. It contains so many multitudes. ]

I suppose that... that stands to reason. If we're accurate. [ In the grand scheme of things. He appreciates Crowley not including those photographs on top of everything, honestly, that's a Lot. ] Maybe I won't bother the Fates just yet. At this rate, I can't imagine they've had a spare moment in millennia.

[It does stand to reason, although maybe there was something in whether or not they're here that influences how the whole weird situation plays out. It's all guess work at the end of the day.

To be fair, a lot of their existence has been guess work. Earth didn't come with an instruction manual.]

I feel terrible for the bloke who played Hastur.

[Since Hastur is, you know, ugly as sin.

This whole thing may be partially a diversion tactic for what comes next, because he's been swirling it around in his thoughts since first looking into the show, and should warn Aziraphale.]

So, hm. [He's just gonna polish off the rest of his whiskey.] We ought to prepare ourselves for the fact our roles in this show are larger than we'd hoped.

[If there's this much press about them, and he's found a lot, they definitely aren't minor side characters.

What an odd concept to consider.]

[ Vague "I am not agreeing outright because that would be rude to the human in question but also I do agree so there you have it" noise. ]

I just don't see how that's possible.

[ Aziraphale brings an in-denial energy to the club that the truthers hate to see. ]

Not to discredit our, our intentions or contributions by any means, obviously, but-- [ But??? ] I mean, assuming Armageddon is the story, and why shouldn't it be...

[ I mean it's the narrative surrounding ONE thwarted apocalypse, Crowley. How many scenes could we possibly have in service of that? Four? Five?

We spent eleven years shepherding the wrong boy. ]

[Things he definitely isn't shocked by: Aziraphale's decision to argue with what he's saying because he doesn't want to acknowledge the truth.]

Armageddon's the story, you're not wrong on that.

[There's so much he isn't sure how to say. His face scrunches up a little, the way it does when he's trying to work through his words, but he distracts himself by getting up again to pour himself another glass of whiskey. (He'll top up Aziraphale's glass, too).

Rather than sitting back down, he wanders over to the window for a casual lean. It's easier if there's some distance.]

It likely — matters to humans, that we tried. Even if we cocked it up from day one.

[They still tried to save the world. He can sort of see why humans would latch onto that, when the story of the apocalypse bled through.]

[ An angel works so hard to perceived in such a certain way by humanity, and for what. To be perceived in his private moments with his friend regardless? Surely not.

God. How much more than bookends are they? Crowley wouldn't bring it up if it he didn't get the impression that they're-- at least somewhat significant in this show. How deep does the rabbit hole go? What have humans in this reality been seeing of them?

A bit faintly: ]

Suppose that makes them and us, then.

[ Because it did matter. The trying. Whatever else there is to be said, it did matter. ]

[It's the earnestness of it all that makes him want to climb the bloody walls. It's the fact that he should hate it but doesn't and that only leaves him confused and frustrated about how terrible of a demon he is. It's the fact that it matters to Aziraphale, that they tried, that he tried.]

We probably need to watch it. Not right now, but I don't reckon we can avoid it forever.

[As much as he'd like to. It's going to eat at him, all the possibilities, and it might be better to just rip the bandaid off.]

[ Aziraphale gives it a few seconds. In the spirit of the being certain that he's certain, in the gravity of understanding that what they see they won't unsee, even though he's known exactly where he sits on the matter since the first night here. ]

No. No, I don't expect we can. [ Bit rude of the universe to do that to him, personally, one of the inventors of avoidant responses. ] I'd rather know what they know about us than not.

[ It's sort of a comfort. If he's honest, deep down. A relief. The idea that however much of who they are and what they tried to do was laid out for humans to see, that human children here think they were right for it, that it was good. Being believed in for it enough to have been dragged here across the multiverse, despite-- well.

Despite quite a lot of things. ]

[The pause is likely for the best; he's hoping that Aziraphale is just taking time to think about it and not buying time for a lie or something, but Crowley doesn't think this is something that Aziraphale would lie about.]

Especially on the slim chance we might run into some of these kids.

[It'll be better to know what to expect, how to act around them. Maybe more so for Crowley than Aziraphale, since there are different expectations for how demons act. He needs the... excuse... to be kinder, if that's what the kids are expecting.]

M'still not happy about it.

[He wonders if he should pitch the idea of them watching it separately, but isn't sure if that might make it worse. Instead, he groans to express his overall frustration, then finally looks at Aziraphale again.]

When we watch it, if there's anything you'd rather I not see, you can send me out of the room. I'll not pry.

[As much as he wants to. If there are scenes in Heaven, or anything with humans that Aziraphale might want to keep private, Crowley will respect that.]

[ Aziraphale laughs a little at "m'still not happy about it." Just sort of bubbles up, short and sharp and involuntary. Not happy about it. Quite.

Easy enough to soften back out when Crowley is looking at him again, being very sweet and kind and considerate and all those things that he's always been with Aziraphale. Deserved or not. In most cases, Aziraphale thinks, decidedly the latter. ]

Likewise. No, um. No questions asked. This is going to be embarrassing enough already. [ Or maybe one question half-asked and immediately cut short when he remembers, oh right, but after this long he expects that Crowley expects that.

If there are things involving Hell, or other demons, private things during their times apart. He can live with itching to know if Crowley's asked for it. ]

To that end, I'd also like to ask that we do our best to push any lengthy discussions or arguments back until after we've finished. Best not to draw it out.

[ ~Do our best~, because, well, they're them.

The problem with not knowing what all to expect is that it makes it very hard to have a list of things that he actually might not want Crowley to see. Everything happened very quickly, all things told. ]

[There was no way in Hell or Heaven or Earth that he'd have been able to ask Aziraphale not to watch parts of the story, not outright, so as much as the offer was made genuinely, he was considering the fact that it would likely be made in return. It's the safest way to get what he wants, which is the ability to kick Aziraphale out of the room should anything awful come up. He'd like to assume that the fact children watched the show means there won't be anything too graphic on display, but he's aware that children don't always choose age appropriate media to consume.]

Appreciate it. I'm sure you'd prefer not to witness much of Hell.

[That's a safe part of it to address, especially if they pretend it's about Hell being gross and grimy, not about having to watch Crowley be tortured.]

Should we take notes as we go? [Teasing a little, now, trying to lighten the mood slightly. Satan knows they need it.] Oh! Apparently there's someone here they could procure us some of the devil's lettuce — [He thinks he's funny.] — that could help us get through it.

[Being stoned would solve most of their problems, honestly.]

[ Nice polite way to put it. ]

I couldn't say it's to my taste, no.

[ Whether or not he takes notes on anything is a surprise that remains to be determined. ]

Ohh, now there's a thought. Benefits of being in a more modern reality.

[ He could've gotten blazed with elves in Rivendell but they were so........ formal. ]

[Crowley could point out that Hell isn't exactly to his taste, either, but that would like just bring the mood down.]

Mm, turns out the Easter Bunny's husband is the man to meet, according to my sources.

[His sources being some random on the network.]

Don't think I've smoked since the 80s, kids these days are all into gummies and vapes.

[Disgusting. They should burn that shit like God intended.]

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