oldbookshop | INBOX | LONGESTNIGHT

[It's always delightful when a joke occurs to Crowley in the moment, instead of coming to him five years later.

He grins at Aziraphale, already pleased with himself.]

That's your fault for expecting me to have any manners in the first place. The Chanel suit isn't about to make me into a proper lady.

[Nothing could make him into a proper lady.]

How very noir of you.

[ MARQUEE TITLING HANDS. ]

"The Femme Fatale's Falsely Fetching Frock."

[ He must be stopped at all costs. ]

[There's been so many free compliments this conversation??? Crowley isn't sure what to do with them. He kind of wants to poke at it, to comment on the choice of words, to tease a little and ask if Aziraphale really thinks he's fetching.

But that's all a bit much. It's all a bit dangerous.]

Oh, I do like a bit of noir. Are we at the start of the movie when I'm still pretending t'be all innocent?

[Creating a fake narrative with your hereditary enemy that you have a crush on is actually something that can be so personal.]

[ Aziraphale gave them plausible alliteration deniability. But also he meant it. Life is such a struggle honestly. ]

I'd imagine we are. [ There's a lack of smoky, rainy city streets what with being in Santa's home. They'll simply have to make do. Nobody in this room has read too many books at all. ] And you've probably spun a very touching story about the grave danger you're in, or how something very valuable was stolen from you and you've nowhere left to turn.

[Does this make Aziraphale the detective? That seems a dangerous question to ask, considering the implications.]

Why not both? I just so happen to know who stole the diamond necklace that's been in my family for generations, and they need to make me disappear before I can testify.

[This is fun, they should do this more often. They're both well versed in the tropes to spin a plausible story.]

The question is whether I'm actually working with the villains or if I've got my own secret motivation.

[Either could fit, really.]

Love a jewelry caper.

[ Adds a bit of extra sparkle.

The matter of character motivation, though... hmmmm. Aziraphale steeples his fingers to increase his dramatic plot power. ]

Maybe you mean for this to be your last big job. The one that's finally going to put you on "easy street." If all goes according to plan.

Mmm, but what's the job, exactly?

[Usually there's a good reason to get a private eye involved in these cases, so Crowley thinks about it for a second.]

Insurance fraud? The diamonds were never actually mine and I'm tricking some hapless man into stealing them for me?

A hapless detective.

[ Aziraphale could get that on a business card. Depending on the subject matter. Give him a conspiracy board and a book of prophecy, he'll knock it out of the park. Get him a fun hat and tell him to pretend to be a detective, all bets are off. ]

But I'm going to uncover a fresh clue about my great-grandfather's murder in the process. So if you must vanish into the night leaving behind nothing but your lipstick on a wine glass, at least I've got that until next time. Long-running plot thread.

[ Imaginary book series that ends with him and Crowley settling down together romantically and starting a new life freed from the respective shackles of what once held them back.

Which obviously Aziraphale knows better than to actually say. He's just going to think about it. ]

[Oh??? Aziraphale is casting himself as the detective that's the femme fatale typically seduces???

Is this..... foreplay? Are they doing foreplay right now? Crowley's very confused about what, exactly, is happening here, but he's more than fine with it and perfectly happy to go along for the ride.

No thoughts vibes only.]

I'd hardly call you hapless, angel.

[Has literally called him stupid but go off I guess.]

Am I going to keep popping back up in the rest of the series to occasionally throw a morally dubious spanner into the works?

Oh, I'm sure.

[ Crowley would probably just go "you idiot" in that way where they call each other idiots sometimes. Case in point, Aziraphale gives his question a very "duh, you idiot" look. ]

Well, it's not really any fun if you don't pop back up, is it? I'd hardly call you one-adventure-only material.

[ Gay but also true. Literally what's the point if he doesn't still have fun misadventures with femme fatale Crowley sometimes??? ]

[It's truly free compliment season; he should check what was in that whiskey in case he's accidentally given Aziraphale hard drugs or something.]

Can I have in increasingly ostentatious dress each time? The costume budget should take up the largest percentage of the overall budget.

[ So Crowley is thinking about a more cinematic adaptation... Aziraphale will allow it. That doesn't sound like very good money management for a production, of course, but he doesn't know enough about television to dispute it.

When he tragically dies of accidental poisoning this memory will live on. ]

Ohhhhh, the finale could feature a masquerade! [ THE HEIGHT OF DECADENT DRAMA. No one in the North Pole is having more fun than him right now, confirmed. ] Feathers. Colors. Elaborate beading. Ballgowns. All the trappings.

[This is definitely foreplay, which is a thought that Crowley isn't sure what to do with, the more that he reflects on it. There's a possibility that Aziraphale is just swept up in the fun and drama, but it seems unlikely he'd forgot himself entirely when it comes to things like — this, where they're talking about tropes that involve romance.

But clearly he's fine with dancing around the idea that there's... something, between the two fictional characters they've cast themselves as, otherwise why would there be a masquerade? Those are always about romance.

Note to self: find some way to make a masquerade happen.]

They did love a good party back in the 50s, all that post-war decadence.

[He should've spent more time in Hollywood, after the war, instead of just telling Hell that he did.]

I assume there's some sort of dramatic showdown right at the end where I finally reveal my true colors, whatever they might be.

[He could say that, naturally, the femme fatale has fallen in love with the detective and gives up her life of crime to help him.

But that would be paramount to an actual love confession at this point.]

[ And if they are both thinking "note to self: find some way to make a masquerade happen," what of it. If Aziraphale is having a secret mind theater moment about maybe dancing with his crush at a fancy party, what of it. No one has any proof.

Shoutout to some absolutely bang-up parties, though. ]

You assume correctly. A great big showdown to bring all the pieces together and all the truths to light. Tie up the loose ends. A few near-misses, your dramatic reveal! [ A reveal gesture. With extra FLOURISH. A thief with a heart of gold? In this economy???? He's sure of it.

And carefully, with less flourish and more Aziraphale's incredible power of conveniently finding a different direction to look in because of his allergy to sitting in a potential Moment™️ too openly: ] Give them happy ending, I think.

[ Aziraphale could likewise say that, naturally, the detective has fallen for the femme fatale and works up the nerve to act on it, after that last harrowing adventure. He could, because he can already picture the argument they'd have picking out wallpaper for their study in the epilogue (and maybe a freelance crime they solve along the way, to show it wouldn't, wouldn't have to be boring or anything, a happy ending could mean whatever they want it to mean).

He doesn't. Didn't clock nearly enough months being technically-human with no emotional support snake to hit that benchmark. ]

I suppose I may be a touch biased about happy ends, of course.

[ Tragedy has its place, bittersweet has its place. Coming out the other end of something fundamentally changed, unable to go back to exactly how it was before, all fine and good, speaks to the human experience. Or the experience of humans.

But sometimes it's nice to grab a story that wraps up with a nice simple bow, too. ]

[There's something in the shift from you to them that feels like the wind being taken out of his sails, even if he isn't sure whether them is meant to refer to the characters they've made up or the audience.

He tries not to let it bother him too much. They're still having fun, it's just — it just isn't easy for Aziraphale. Crowley knows that, he always has.

It's easier if he tells himself that it's what Aziraphale wants for the two of them, too. A happy ending.]

That'd be subversive for a noir endeavour, but not entirely unheard of.

[There have been one or two with a happy ending, instead of a tragedy.

Crowley decides not to say anything about how femme fatales typically had to be punished by the narrative, lest audiences think that it was acceptable for women to wield any kind of power, but punishment is a tricky concept, even when they're talking through metaphor.]

Nothing wrong with a happy ending, really. There's a reason I've never liked the tragedies.

[Satan knows he has enough of that.]

[ Nothing wrong with a happy ending, really. Nothing wrong with a happy ending that actually-- sounds happy. To him. Personally. Selfish for an angel to think like that, he supposes.

Damned if it's not always a lovely thing to picture when Crowley's in it, though. ]

The tragedies have their charms. [ Light without shadow isn't really light anymore, and all that. Beautiful works of art. Big philosophical undertaking. ] But, well. No reason not to be a bit subversive when you've got the liberty to put in the ending you like best, surely.

More fun that way.

[ He's going to get so good at romance and wooing and verbalizing feelings and stuff. One day. Maybe. Possibly. ]

[At some point after this conversation, Crowley is going to need to lay down on the floor and stare at the ceiling for a long time. Long enough to work through whatever emotions have been inspired by Aziraphale talking about writing them a happy ending.

Fake them, sure. But Crowley thinks — it isn't fake. Not really.

They do this, don't they? Talk around things instead of looking at them directly, because putting things in the light is far too dangerous with Heaven and Hell watching over their shoulders.

If his smile is soft and fond, that's only because he isn't able to hide it any longer.]

Much more fun.

[The tone is somewhere between lightly teasing and that thing he does where words have a physical weight in his mouth.]

We ought to have quit our jobs decades ago, we could've been famous screenwriters by now.

[ Crowley's greatest criminal offense to date: looking soft and fond about a thing Aziraphale said, thereby making Aziraphale's heart do stupid acrobatics. Despicable. Sick and twisted.

But it means Crowley knows what he means. He thinks. He at least knows most of it. Because that's not his indulgent "I don't know what he's getting at, but I'm relaxed and having a nice time letting Aziraphale prattle on about it anyway" smile. That one's different.

So. Good.

Aziraphale can look down and back again for twitterpated reasons instead of uncomfortable ones. He's not even going to make a face about the jobs thing. ]

Would have made some real waves in the talkies, I'm sure.

[ The ✨talkies✨. ]

[So.

This is just something that he's going to have to live with now. He's going to have to work out whatever the hell it means exactly and then incorporate it into his world view. Possibly do something about it? Like kissing Aziraphale on his stupid mouth?

From where he's sitting, it seems like the perfectly reasonable conclusion to draw, but he knows he's misread Aziraphale before, once or twice, and he's not sure he could bear it to be wrong. It would hardly be the first time that his own wants have colored a situation.]

The talkies, was it? [He thinks the softer moment might have passed for now, which is fine.] We're going back that early, are we? Or have you only just caught up on the move from silent films?

[Since he's so far behind, technologically.]

[ Is there anything more them than Aziraphale going "excellent, it's been communicated perfectly clearly" and Crowley going "okay I have to figure out exactly what the hell this means"? No. ]

I've been caught up. My usual salon has a television in it. [ So modern. So chic. Aziraphale watches a bit of random soap opera while he's there and the employees like getting to explain the lore to him. Which all definitely counts.

He's not counting his arrival experience here as cinema experience because he's petty. ] They're technically all talkies now these days, aren't they?

[ Jack Frost will back him up on this, he knows it. ]

[Crowley gives him a fruity look that accurately conveys the fact he's gently mocking him, because fruity looks are also a love language.

Aziraphale hasn't been caught up, watching half an hour of soaps every month or so doesn't count.]

You'd think, but they do actually make some silent films still. There was a great Lovecraft one a few years back and the French are always making odd films, you'd probably like some of 'em.

[Aziraphale likes weird, artsy things sometimes.]

[ Aziraphale mirrors the fruity look he's being given, just to be a big baby.

Fruitily look into the abyss, weary traveler, and it may look back. ]

I'll pencil those in. [ He will not. Between the buildup to watching it and the proper watching of Good Omens, his quota will be maxed out. In utter disarray.

Or, well. He doesn't really want to, he thinks, but if it seems like Crowley would have some fun with it, maybe he'll try one of these odd films sometime. ] Never hurts to brush back up.

[They're just a collection of fruity looks in a trench coat.

The follow up fruity look is one of disbelief, because he very much doubts that Aziraphale will pencil it in.]

We'll get you into the twenty first century yet, angel.

[No they won't.]

[ They absolutely will not. He's barely coping with losing his coat.

SO dramatically: ]

Is it not enough to live there?

[ He's already forklift certified and paying taxes, what more do you want!!! ]

INBOX | LONGESTNIGHT

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject