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[Oh, so that's what it feels like to bear the full weight of Aziraphale's angelic gaze.

Crowley's always wondered, the thought creeping in when he's caught Aziraphale watching him from the corner of his eye. If it would feel the way it does when Aziraphale treats him to those rare indulgent looks that make him feel terribly, wonderfully seen.

There's no denying the part of him that reacts with fear, an instinctual response to the scrutiny, as it would very rarely mean good things for a demon, but the real response runs far deeper than that, and once the surprise passes he doesn't manage much more than rough swallow for a few good seconds, feeling grateful that Aziraphale spoke first so he doesn't need to immediately fill what would have been an awkward silence.

It does mean he has to parse those words when his focus is primarily occupied with the desire to ask Aziraphale to do that again.

Or maybe he won't even bother trying to parse them.]

Warn a bloke next time, will you?

[He manages to make his voice sound amused rather than breathless.

So at least there's that.]

[ Aziraphale has the decency to look both concerned and apologetic. (If not remorseful. Since in his professional opinion, Crowley does light up beautifully in that lens. Well worth seeing and Seeing. Aziraphale is very normal about this page in his mental scrapbook.) ]

Too much?

[There are two answers and in a way, both of them would be true, but if he says yes, he risks never experiencing it again and that isn't what he wants.]

Nah, just startled me a bit. Nearly tossed my glass at you, would've been a waste of whiskey.

[It was closer to just crushing it in his hand, but close enough.]

[ Hmmmmmmm. That passes the vibe check enough to relax him a little, at least.

He'd definitely know if Crowley were angry about it, and Crowley probably would have found a quick excuse to leave already if it were unbearable... which is at least a good start.

Wasn't very comfortable for him, maybe. Too forward. ]

Can't have that, of course. My apologies. [ A tiny sort of apology. As a rare treat. ] I'll, um. I'll be sure to keep due warning in mind going forward.

[Hey Siri how do you tell your hereditary enemy that it's actually perfectly fine if he wants to Look at you without making it sound like a weird sex thing even though it's kind of a weird sex thing.

Crowley makes do with dismissing the apology with a wave of his hand.]

I did sort of ask for it, didn't I?

[He fucked around, he found it.

He doesn't want Aziraphale to feel guilty about it.]

I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that.

[ He made reference. It just also happened to be while he was being a grade A menace.

Aziraphale has another sip of his whiskey. Hums thoughtfully. ]

Dire threats to the cleanliness of the bookshop notwithstanding.

[This particular mission is being deemed as a success, since Aziraphale doesn't seem to be feeling guilty about the whole thing, nor does he look disgusted, so Crowley apparently managed to tread the thing line between seeming too against it and seeming too into it.

He's pleased about it, honestly, so he feels free to grin at Aziraphale.]

Was more the books themselves than the shop.

[😈]

[ Okay. Okay. Crowley is not direly offended, officially fully 100% confirmed. So everything is fine. Thriving and surviving for another day. ]

The books are the shop. The shop is the books. It's inextricable, Crowley.

You say that, but I reckon you'd be a lot less cross if I spilled wine on the rug than you would be if I spilled wine on a first edition.

[Both have definitely happened before but he's usually able to fix it before Aziraphale notices. Otherwise he'd be dead.]

[ The sheer nerve... the rudeness.

Aziraphale clocks in for pouting hours. ]

You say that as though my rugs aren't also first editions. [ ... ] Of a sort. [ ........... ] Look, I don't understand why we'd be inviting a gaggle of children to the shop in this scenario the first place. I'd have to find all my sharp implements and move them! Just to start!

[ And then put them back again later!!!!! His ceremonial daggers! That one random cutlass! His Arthurian broadsword! His bespoke letter openers! The alcohol! The matches and candles! The things that would make annoying noises! What if they try to climb a shelf and fall!!!!!!

Yes he's coopted the "we" for no real reason. No in all his anxiety thoughts he has absolutely not remembered he may or may not still have a literal gun stashed in a book somewhere. ]

[If his heart goes a funny thing at Aziraphale saying we then that's between him and God. He can be rude and also soft.]

They're not toddlers, I'm sure they know not to go around playing with sharp objects, humans usually teach that to their kids when they're real small.

[It's sort of necessary, since children like to play with things they shouldn't.

It also really isn't the main concern of Aziraphale's and they both know it, but Crowley will let him pretend.]

[ Aziraphale begins to grow increasingly concerned that Crowley is not actually having him on again. Well, his prerogative. Maybe that day Aziraphale takes a very long walk to his salon so he doesn't infect anyone with palpable distress.

Crowley would know better about the practical day to day rearing of a child than he would, though. When the sharp objects rules traditionally come into play and all that. Can't deny the truth there. Which sort of helps in a roundabout way, as much as it can considering it 100% is absolutely not his main concern. ]

Suppose they won't really remember stabbing any Horsemen. [ Hopefully. Probably. Their bloodlust will be contained. It was hard to make a full accounting of the reality-reset between the executions and coming here. Largely due to trying to flirt. SIGH. ] I still think babies are more fun.

[ You just leave your waistcoat elsewhere for preservation purposes and walk them about and show them things and clean them up. They're so tiny. ]

[Crowley makes a thoughtful sound re: the Horsemen, but he suspects that Aziraphale is right and the kids probably remember it as some odd dream, or have come up with a more logical explanation. It'll likely fade even for Adam, the longer he spends as just a regular kid and not the son of Satan.

That isn't the important part, though.]

You only like babies 'cause you can stop them from getting into things.

[Babies are, by far, more messy and sticky than 11 year olds, but it's a more controllable mess, typically, since they can't go running off anywhere.]

M'just imagining you with one of those baby slings the posh mums wear. You'd look ridiculous.

[But he's grinning about it, so ridiculous in a good way.]

That's only one of the reasons I like them.

[ But it is, in fact, a big reason. Feeling even slightly more in control of a situation. Containing the horrors. This bitch just loves to tote a baby around and infodump to them about the Punic Wars in a soothing voice. Captive audience. They don't even know what Carthage means. They're just confused little love-filled blobs.

Additionally: dismissive pbbt. ]

Ridiculous or efficiently free-handed?

[ Cannot confirm nor deny. But if he did use one he'd make it tartan. ]

Is the other one that they don't talk back?

[What's the point of having known Aziraphale for over 6000 years if he can't read him for fifth at the drop of a hat.]

Two things can be true. Plenty of ridiculous nonsense is also efficient.

[ Being read for filth makes Aziraphale look like he bit into a lemon. Hate that! Now he is not going to talk about how cute it is when he pulls a bright scarf out of his sleeve and babies are like WHOA HOLY SHIT because they're babies.

So there. ]

It can't be nonsense if it's efficient. Efficiency is all about serving a purpose.

[ Ridiculous... hmmmm, maybe he'll let slide. Because that obviously solely depends on whether or not he personally likes a thing. ]

[Somehow Crowley lost this round of banter without even realizing, what a terrible loss. He doesn't care about babies in the way most humans do, but he's not immune to cute shit, as much as he'd like to pretend that he is.]

Are you about to get into semantics with me, angel? We'll need much more whiskey if you're going to start that sort of argument.

[Not that they haven't had a several hour long argument about semantics before, they're just usually more well stocked.]

Oh, he threatens me with a good time.

[ Yeah okay, you gay bitch, we get it. ]

Well, we could always put a pin in it for later.

[There's a comment about showing Aziraphale a good time on the tip of his tongue, but that would be incredibly stupid.]

Oh, we're going to start scheduling arguments, now?

[That's a much safer thing to say.]

[ Every day a new suffering. ]

Noooo, don't be silly. [ The spark isn't gone!

They could break out into stupid bickering like this team's designated muppets at any point over any subject. Truly. ]

I just expect it's an argument we'll have again eventually regardless.

[ No such thing as a one time argument in this relationship. ]

[The absolute audacity of Aziraphale to call him silly. The absolute audacity of his stupid heart to get all fluttery about it.]

So just another one to add to the list, then?

[Based on the grin, he's very much teasing. Most of their arguments are only done for the sake of having an argument.

Things only get heated when it actually matters.]

I've always assumed you kept a list somewhere.

[This is a lie, he's just being a shit.]

[ Inasmuch as diary entries might count as a list, perhaps actually true. But it defeats the purpose of diaries to mention them willy-nilly. ]

Long list to make space for.

[ Normal things to sound delighted by. ]

Plenty of room in the shop, you could have a whole shelf for it.

[Like the collection of encyclopedias; just a neat row of books, full of arguments they'll need to get back to.]

I'll bear that in mind when we get home. Humans talk a lot about "self-publishing" now, don't they?

[ With everything from great disdain to great pride. So mysterious.

Aziraphale is hip. He's ready to make goofs and japes. ]

Nice big shelf. Give us another couple of centuries before I have to make room for a second one.

[This was a mistake, Crowley has made a mistake. Aziraphale is talking about clearing out space in the bookshop for books filled with their arguments for centuries to come.

It has him all aflutter, which is not the sort of thing a demon should be.]

Well, you'll certainly have to never let customers in the shop again if we do that. Satan forbid they go looking through those books.

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