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It would.

[ How smug will Aziraphale be about the potent combo of both Hamlet becoming popular in this world without any miraculous intervention whatsoever and that meaning that Hamlet back home is extra special because Crowley made it popular for him? Remains to be seen.

This is such a roller coaster of a conversation. It contains so many multitudes. ]

I suppose that... that stands to reason. If we're accurate. [ In the grand scheme of things. He appreciates Crowley not including those photographs on top of everything, honestly, that's a Lot. ] Maybe I won't bother the Fates just yet. At this rate, I can't imagine they've had a spare moment in millennia.

[It does stand to reason, although maybe there was something in whether or not they're here that influences how the whole weird situation plays out. It's all guess work at the end of the day.

To be fair, a lot of their existence has been guess work. Earth didn't come with an instruction manual.]

I feel terrible for the bloke who played Hastur.

[Since Hastur is, you know, ugly as sin.

This whole thing may be partially a diversion tactic for what comes next, because he's been swirling it around in his thoughts since first looking into the show, and should warn Aziraphale.]

So, hm. [He's just gonna polish off the rest of his whiskey.] We ought to prepare ourselves for the fact our roles in this show are larger than we'd hoped.

[If there's this much press about them, and he's found a lot, they definitely aren't minor side characters.

What an odd concept to consider.]

[ Vague "I am not agreeing outright because that would be rude to the human in question but also I do agree so there you have it" noise. ]

I just don't see how that's possible.

[ Aziraphale brings an in-denial energy to the club that the truthers hate to see. ]

Not to discredit our, our intentions or contributions by any means, obviously, but-- [ But??? ] I mean, assuming Armageddon is the story, and why shouldn't it be...

[ I mean it's the narrative surrounding ONE thwarted apocalypse, Crowley. How many scenes could we possibly have in service of that? Four? Five?

We spent eleven years shepherding the wrong boy. ]

[Things he definitely isn't shocked by: Aziraphale's decision to argue with what he's saying because he doesn't want to acknowledge the truth.]

Armageddon's the story, you're not wrong on that.

[There's so much he isn't sure how to say. His face scrunches up a little, the way it does when he's trying to work through his words, but he distracts himself by getting up again to pour himself another glass of whiskey. (He'll top up Aziraphale's glass, too).

Rather than sitting back down, he wanders over to the window for a casual lean. It's easier if there's some distance.]

It likely — matters to humans, that we tried. Even if we cocked it up from day one.

[They still tried to save the world. He can sort of see why humans would latch onto that, when the story of the apocalypse bled through.]

[ An angel works so hard to perceived in such a certain way by humanity, and for what. To be perceived in his private moments with his friend regardless? Surely not.

God. How much more than bookends are they? Crowley wouldn't bring it up if it he didn't get the impression that they're-- at least somewhat significant in this show. How deep does the rabbit hole go? What have humans in this reality been seeing of them?

A bit faintly: ]

Suppose that makes them and us, then.

[ Because it did matter. The trying. Whatever else there is to be said, it did matter. ]

[It's the earnestness of it all that makes him want to climb the bloody walls. It's the fact that he should hate it but doesn't and that only leaves him confused and frustrated about how terrible of a demon he is. It's the fact that it matters to Aziraphale, that they tried, that he tried.]

We probably need to watch it. Not right now, but I don't reckon we can avoid it forever.

[As much as he'd like to. It's going to eat at him, all the possibilities, and it might be better to just rip the bandaid off.]

[ Aziraphale gives it a few seconds. In the spirit of the being certain that he's certain, in the gravity of understanding that what they see they won't unsee, even though he's known exactly where he sits on the matter since the first night here. ]

No. No, I don't expect we can. [ Bit rude of the universe to do that to him, personally, one of the inventors of avoidant responses. ] I'd rather know what they know about us than not.

[ It's sort of a comfort. If he's honest, deep down. A relief. The idea that however much of who they are and what they tried to do was laid out for humans to see, that human children here think they were right for it, that it was good. Being believed in for it enough to have been dragged here across the multiverse, despite-- well.

Despite quite a lot of things. ]

[The pause is likely for the best; he's hoping that Aziraphale is just taking time to think about it and not buying time for a lie or something, but Crowley doesn't think this is something that Aziraphale would lie about.]

Especially on the slim chance we might run into some of these kids.

[It'll be better to know what to expect, how to act around them. Maybe more so for Crowley than Aziraphale, since there are different expectations for how demons act. He needs the... excuse... to be kinder, if that's what the kids are expecting.]

M'still not happy about it.

[He wonders if he should pitch the idea of them watching it separately, but isn't sure if that might make it worse. Instead, he groans to express his overall frustration, then finally looks at Aziraphale again.]

When we watch it, if there's anything you'd rather I not see, you can send me out of the room. I'll not pry.

[As much as he wants to. If there are scenes in Heaven, or anything with humans that Aziraphale might want to keep private, Crowley will respect that.]

[ Aziraphale laughs a little at "m'still not happy about it." Just sort of bubbles up, short and sharp and involuntary. Not happy about it. Quite.

Easy enough to soften back out when Crowley is looking at him again, being very sweet and kind and considerate and all those things that he's always been with Aziraphale. Deserved or not. In most cases, Aziraphale thinks, decidedly the latter. ]

Likewise. No, um. No questions asked. This is going to be embarrassing enough already. [ Or maybe one question half-asked and immediately cut short when he remembers, oh right, but after this long he expects that Crowley expects that.

If there are things involving Hell, or other demons, private things during their times apart. He can live with itching to know if Crowley's asked for it. ]

To that end, I'd also like to ask that we do our best to push any lengthy discussions or arguments back until after we've finished. Best not to draw it out.

[ ~Do our best~, because, well, they're them.

The problem with not knowing what all to expect is that it makes it very hard to have a list of things that he actually might not want Crowley to see. Everything happened very quickly, all things told. ]

[There was no way in Hell or Heaven or Earth that he'd have been able to ask Aziraphale not to watch parts of the story, not outright, so as much as the offer was made genuinely, he was considering the fact that it would likely be made in return. It's the safest way to get what he wants, which is the ability to kick Aziraphale out of the room should anything awful come up. He'd like to assume that the fact children watched the show means there won't be anything too graphic on display, but he's aware that children don't always choose age appropriate media to consume.]

Appreciate it. I'm sure you'd prefer not to witness much of Hell.

[That's a safe part of it to address, especially if they pretend it's about Hell being gross and grimy, not about having to watch Crowley be tortured.]

Should we take notes as we go? [Teasing a little, now, trying to lighten the mood slightly. Satan knows they need it.] Oh! Apparently there's someone here they could procure us some of the devil's lettuce — [He thinks he's funny.] — that could help us get through it.

[Being stoned would solve most of their problems, honestly.]

[ Nice polite way to put it. ]

I couldn't say it's to my taste, no.

[ Whether or not he takes notes on anything is a surprise that remains to be determined. ]

Ohh, now there's a thought. Benefits of being in a more modern reality.

[ He could've gotten blazed with elves in Rivendell but they were so........ formal. ]

[Crowley could point out that Hell isn't exactly to his taste, either, but that would like just bring the mood down.]

Mm, turns out the Easter Bunny's husband is the man to meet, according to my sources.

[His sources being some random on the network.]

Don't think I've smoked since the 80s, kids these days are all into gummies and vapes.

[Disgusting. They should burn that shit like God intended.]

[ First and most importantly: a sidelong Look about these "sources". He's pretty sure that just means Crowley is doing regular social interactions in this context. That's nice, though. Doing away with the human pretense makes it a bit easier to mesh, in close quarters. ]

Is he? I had no idea. [ Good for him!

Things that are purely on Aziraphale because Dan is an open book. ]

We'll have to keep that on the table as an option. In a more traditional format, ideally. I'm not going to be vape-ing anything.

[ He doesn't even know what a vape is. He could know, but he's gone out of his way to not know. ]

[Aziraphale truly is a useless old queen, but at least Crowley loves him.]

I don't know if we'll be able to find a pipe for you, angel. [He's just teasing, Aziraphale might typically be old fashioned, but he's not that bad.] Failing that, I reckon I remember how to roll a joint.

[What, like it's hard?]

We ought indulge regardless of the stupid show. It's been much too long, and there's a whole magic dining hall to take advantage of.

[Not that he gets the munchies, this is just him trying to tempt Aziraphale.]

[ Things Aziraphale all but writes in his diary anytime Crowley does a chivalrous act for him. ]

Oh, you could make a stuffed bird laugh.

[ So there. Gottem.

Hmmmmmmm. The rest of this proposal appeals. Not that he couldn't more or less ~magic~ up food for himself or ask Crowley to do it under normal circumstances, technically speaking. It's just sort of fun when there's a magic North Pole dining hall. ]

Supposing we do it when we're officially "off-duty" [ lone jazz hand ], so to speak. I'll circle back about the dining hall. Not certain I like the social window that opens.

[ The list of people allowed to see, deal, or interact with him while he's stoned or very drunk is literally just Crowley. Everyone else has to think he's very cool and normal, things he definitely convinces everyone he is all the time. ]

You're a stuffed bird.

[So there!!!!!!

Crowley has almost entirely shoved the stupid television show to the back of his thoughts, since Project: Stoned Angel is now taking up most of his mental capacity. Aziraphale certainly could use the chance to relax, considering everything they've been through in the past decade and change.

He could use the chance to relax, too.]

We're as off-duty here as we're ever going to get. [They quit, sure, but that doesn't mean Heaven and Hell aren't still watching, waiting for the moment to strike.] I'll just make sure no one bothers us. Or we see if the yetis will do room service.

[Hm. Getting stoned with Aziraphale in this comfy room might be A Mistake.

Crowley will worry about that later.]

[ S C O F F S. No manners, this demon! ]

Oh, I meant off-duty for here. Guardians of children. Saving all realities and all that. [ Aziraphale all you've done since you got here is get drunk, plan to get high, and borrow a bunch of books from the library. Have you been on duty to start with???

Working out stepping around Heaven and Hell is at least a more familiar kettle of fish. If a less immediately concerning one, being here.

Goodness. He wonders if there is a Guardian schedule. Or is it volunteer-only? Ought to look into how the organization is... organized. Very important, yet less looming and terrifying. Funny how that works. ] It would be fun, wouldn't it.

[ Not just reserving it for engaging with a strange and invasive accounting of parts of their lives, that is.

He misses Crowley's relaxed snakey head-wag. It feels like it's been ages since he last saw it. It would be nice. ]

I don't know that there's a schedule for that.

[Is there a schedule for that? His thoughts are mirroring Aziraphale's, wondering how all the organization business works, here, when it seems to be run by a kid and a bunch of yetis.

He's fairly sure they're not going to force them to do anything they don't want to do; he's pretty sure he heard Jack say something along those lines, so he feels like they should be allowed to get stoned one evening without it being a whole thing.]

Would be. Not sure if I could scare up a record player, but there's got to be decent speakers around here somewhere so we can have some music.

[Kids want speakers for presents all the time, he's sure. The yetis or elves should be able to loan some out.]

[ He makes a sort of "you'd think there would be" hmm in the back of his throat. No Guardian of Scheduling when you need one, huh... to get the timeline worked out and all.

Well, that's all fine and good. Makes this bit of scheduling easier. Some flexibility can go a long way. That they've apparently gotten through nearly a year in London post-apocalypse with no incidents but still haven't ~indulged~ is basically a crime. They've more than paid their relaxation dues. ]

Oh, why not? We'll make a little night of it. [ Aziraphale does a thing with his eyebrows that he does when he thinks he's being cool. Or, possibly, when he's planning to do shitty magic tricks even worse than usual and that's included in his idea of making a little night of getting stoned. Only time will tell. ] Of course, if you think that's going to be the time you finally win me over on sleeping, best brace yourself for a disappointment.

[ Tried it in Wilderlands, not comfy and didn't even have a choice about it, 0/10. ]

[It truly is the most unfortunate circumstances that Crowley has found himself in. He should be in love with someone cool and suave, and yet here he is, head over heels for the biggest dork in the fucking universe.

Tragic.]

There you go, thwarting my plans again. [Said in the driest tone imaginable. He didn't have any secret plot, he just wants to vibe.] I know well and good how you feel about sleep.

[He doesn't understand it, but he knows.]

[ Every day, Crowley only suffers. ]

Then all's well that ends well. [ And what ends well is getting some zero-stakes quality time. Wonderful. ] Dan seems a lovely man, I'm sure he'll give it his best effort.

[He can't believe they have actual plans to get stoned and hang out. Feels wild, but he's pleased about it.]

If he's married to the Easter Bunny, who's apparently all about Spring — [This is him somewhat admitting he did research. Don't @ him.] — they ought to be able to figure out growing a plant.

[ No, Aziraphale is going to @ him about it. With his eyes. In a very lovesick thirsty sort of way. But that second part is only activated when Crowley isn't looking directly at him. ]

One can always hope. [ Hope is, by his accounting, always free of charge. ] We'll see what the word is once everyone's gotten settled? They may have a bit of home-territory business to see to.

There isn't much of a rush, I suppose.

[Honestly, the reason he's been doing research is because he feels like there isn't much else to do. Despite not interacting closely with humans, he did spend a lot of time around them, and it's weird to not be able to just go to a bar and order a few rounds.]

We'll likely be here for a while yet.

[ Aziraphale is mature enough not to have himself a strop about missing their London and the bookshop, or a secret private strop about the fun little public non-dates with breathing room that they could have had in the time he's spent away from the proper reality.

Mature enough not to have either of those for now. Wouldn't be very becoming in the face of the very important reason they were brought here, after all. He'll see how that progresses.

No rush. There's time. Whether they're used to feeling like they've got it or not. And they're together in this, and that's. That's been nice. Same side. Saving humanity. Again. ]

Nature of tackling a very large and mysterious problem. [ The increasingly tangled webs literally everything weaves... what a time. ] But at least we're tackling it from some bang-up accommodations.

[ One day they'll go back home and he'll steal a book to take with him probably. ]

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