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[oldbookshop]

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[oldbookshop]

Love a fun hat, yes! They bring such a sense of drama, don't they?

[ Dramatic gesture and all.

Fully married. ]

Should have done more undercover work when they were in fashion.

[demonicmiracle]

[The worst part is that he can't even tease Aziraphale about it because they're both well aware that Crowley also loves a fun hat.]

Did a lot of undercover work then, did you?

[The Arrangement doesn't count, obviously.]

[oldbookshop]

Not enough by half. It takes a lot of doing. Tapping your sources. Getting the word from the street. Well-- I'm sure you're familiar. [ Crowley is such a creature that works around the law. Plans capers. Deals with ~seedy underbellies~.

Has done? Might still do post-retirement if he really wants? Aziraphale hasn't thought about that. ]

I took a step back from it in the forties, of course.

[ It's all fine and good to get bamboozled seeking undercover thrill until you nearly lose your priceless books of prophecy in the process. Yes yes directly tied to the most romantic moment of his entire life, he was never the same, he still gets aflutter thinking about it, etc. He straight up nearly lost those books though. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[If Crowley looks ridiculously fond and indulgent while Aziraphale talks about playing at being undercover, that's between him and God. And maybe Aziraphale if he's paying enough attention, but that's usually a 50/50 chance.]

Of course. Nearly getting yourself shot does take the fun out of things.

[Is he talking about the Nazis or the magic trick?

Possibly both.]

[oldbookshop]

Hm? [ Can't relate. Busy thinking about fun undercover missions and books. Maybe a little about tenderly plucking off 1941 Crowley's hat and snogging him. Maybe a little about desiring him carnally. That's strictly private business.

Aziraphale's love for Crowley is so powerful and so dense it makes neutron stars jealous. Infuriating. ]

I don't know, when it's only nearly being shot it's a bit exciting. Nearly losing those books, on the other hand... [ He clicks his tongue. Full tss. ] No, quite unacceptable.

[demonicmiracle]

[Aziraphale is thinking about snogging and Crowley is having mildly traumatic flashbacks to being the one that nearly discorporated the angel.

He gives him such a look at the mention of it being a big exciting. Crowley is gonna kill him for real.]

Oh, well, we certainly couldn't lose the books. Would've been a proper tragedy.

[Why is Aziraphale like this!!!]

[oldbookshop]

[ Aziraphale sees that look and lifts his chin a little. He said what he said. Sucks to be having traumatic flashbacks, couldn't be him.

Also: rude. He's always known that saving the books was more Crowley knowing that he personally would care about them, and not Crowley thinking "oh no, those rare artifacts, I'd better shield them!" It's a part of what makes the gesture so lovely. This does not dissuade Aziraphale from making his case anyway. ]

It would have! They're irreplaceable, Crowley! They- [ GESTURES???? ] Across the entire span of human history to date-- and going forward, mind you-- they're entirely singular.

[demonicmiracle]

[If he weren't such a coward, this is where he'd point out that Aziraphale is also singular and irreplaceable, but that would be much too forward.]

That's what you get for playing silly buggers with a bunch of Nazis! [He's not actually upset. Well. A little upset, but he's hiding it well enough, mostly just playing things up to be dramatic.] I should've let the damn things get blown up.

[He's about to get murdered.]

[oldbookshop]

[ The gay little GASP that Aziraphale gasps. It's the kind of gasp that says if he weren't already sitting down, he'd need to find a seat immediately.

Not for the first half, because well, fair enough really. A valuable lesson learned. But the second part. BITCH, those books are a METAPHOR for our LOVE STORY, he cannot BELIEVE...

No court would convict him. The murder would be justified. ]

That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me.

[ Yes he's being dramatic. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[Whatever repercussions he faces for this nonsense are well worth it in the face of that gay little gasp. He loves it.

Still, Crowley holds up his hands, the picture of a contrite and apologetic demon.]

Sorry, sorry. [He's not sorry. He's laughing a little bit.] I wouldn't want to hurt the books' feelings.

[That's definitely the issue here, not anything else.]

[oldbookshop]

[ One day after Aziraphale has successfully wooed him, Crowley will understand the grave misstep he's made here for what it was. One day. Aziraphale will make sure of it.

If he doesn't get it now, though, it's pointless to try explaining. Because apparently! To some demons! Those books are just books! ]

You wouldn't indeed. [ So there. ] And just as well. I refuse to be thinking about this the next time I open one of them up.

[ The memory of this fucking scandal pressed between the pages like a bookmark or a very fetching leaf. Absolutely not. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[Crowley does the thing, that big dramatic pout thing he does when he's gently mocking Aziraphale, because he's a terrible friend.]

I'd hate to tarnish the memories with my awful lack of manners.

[This is why he's a demon.]

[oldbookshop]

He said, still bringing his awful lack of manners to everything.

[ Jail for a thousand years. Goodbye for ever. Aziraphale will never recover from this. (He is fine.) ]

[demonicmiracle]

[It's always delightful when a joke occurs to Crowley in the moment, instead of coming to him five years later.

He grins at Aziraphale, already pleased with himself.]

That's your fault for expecting me to have any manners in the first place. The Chanel suit isn't about to make me into a proper lady.

[Nothing could make him into a proper lady.]

[oldbookshop]

How very noir of you.

[ MARQUEE TITLING HANDS. ]

"The Femme Fatale's Falsely Fetching Frock."

[ He must be stopped at all costs. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[There's been so many free compliments this conversation??? Crowley isn't sure what to do with them. He kind of wants to poke at it, to comment on the choice of words, to tease a little and ask if Aziraphale really thinks he's fetching.

But that's all a bit much. It's all a bit dangerous.]

Oh, I do like a bit of noir. Are we at the start of the movie when I'm still pretending t'be all innocent?

[Creating a fake narrative with your hereditary enemy that you have a crush on is actually something that can be so personal.]

[oldbookshop]

[ Aziraphale gave them plausible alliteration deniability. But also he meant it. Life is such a struggle honestly. ]

I'd imagine we are. [ There's a lack of smoky, rainy city streets what with being in Santa's home. They'll simply have to make do. Nobody in this room has read too many books at all. ] And you've probably spun a very touching story about the grave danger you're in, or how something very valuable was stolen from you and you've nowhere left to turn.

[demonicmiracle]

[Does this make Aziraphale the detective? That seems a dangerous question to ask, considering the implications.]

Why not both? I just so happen to know who stole the diamond necklace that's been in my family for generations, and they need to make me disappear before I can testify.

[This is fun, they should do this more often. They're both well versed in the tropes to spin a plausible story.]

The question is whether I'm actually working with the villains or if I've got my own secret motivation.

[Either could fit, really.]

[oldbookshop]

Love a jewelry caper.

[ Adds a bit of extra sparkle.

The matter of character motivation, though... hmmmm. Aziraphale steeples his fingers to increase his dramatic plot power. ]

Maybe you mean for this to be your last big job. The one that's finally going to put you on "easy street." If all goes according to plan.

[demonicmiracle]

Mmm, but what's the job, exactly?

[Usually there's a good reason to get a private eye involved in these cases, so Crowley thinks about it for a second.]

Insurance fraud? The diamonds were never actually mine and I'm tricking some hapless man into stealing them for me?

[oldbookshop]

A hapless detective.

[ Aziraphale could get that on a business card. Depending on the subject matter. Give him a conspiracy board and a book of prophecy, he'll knock it out of the park. Get him a fun hat and tell him to pretend to be a detective, all bets are off. ]

But I'm going to uncover a fresh clue about my great-grandfather's murder in the process. So if you must vanish into the night leaving behind nothing but your lipstick on a wine glass, at least I've got that until next time. Long-running plot thread.

[ Imaginary book series that ends with him and Crowley settling down together romantically and starting a new life freed from the respective shackles of what once held them back.

Which obviously Aziraphale knows better than to actually say. He's just going to think about it. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[Oh??? Aziraphale is casting himself as the detective that's the femme fatale typically seduces???

Is this..... foreplay? Are they doing foreplay right now? Crowley's very confused about what, exactly, is happening here, but he's more than fine with it and perfectly happy to go along for the ride.

No thoughts vibes only.]

I'd hardly call you hapless, angel.

[Has literally called him stupid but go off I guess.]

Am I going to keep popping back up in the rest of the series to occasionally throw a morally dubious spanner into the works?

[oldbookshop]

Oh, I'm sure.

[ Crowley would probably just go "you idiot" in that way where they call each other idiots sometimes. Case in point, Aziraphale gives his question a very "duh, you idiot" look. ]

Well, it's not really any fun if you don't pop back up, is it? I'd hardly call you one-adventure-only material.

[ Gay but also true. Literally what's the point if he doesn't still have fun misadventures with femme fatale Crowley sometimes??? ]

[demonicmiracle]

[It's truly free compliment season; he should check what was in that whiskey in case he's accidentally given Aziraphale hard drugs or something.]

Can I have in increasingly ostentatious dress each time? The costume budget should take up the largest percentage of the overall budget.

[oldbookshop]

[ So Crowley is thinking about a more cinematic adaptation... Aziraphale will allow it. That doesn't sound like very good money management for a production, of course, but he doesn't know enough about television to dispute it.

When he tragically dies of accidental poisoning this memory will live on. ]

Ohhhhh, the finale could feature a masquerade! [ THE HEIGHT OF DECADENT DRAMA. No one in the North Pole is having more fun than him right now, confirmed. ] Feathers. Colors. Elaborate beading. Ballgowns. All the trappings.