LONGESTNIGHT | mortifying ordeal 2k24

[oldbookshop]

[ We're out here... we're at it. Snacks on lock. Beverages even more on lock because how else are they supposed to be expected to get through this. A watch setup that they can be sure no one else will wander in on, because that would make this even weirder.

(Aziraphale was mostly involved with the snacks and drinks, and not at all involved with any sort of tech setup. He's got a little notebook and a stubby pencil in case he needs to jot things down.)

They've agreed on their basic ground rules terms, whatever those look like. Who even truly knows. Probably some no-questions-asked "look away from this" allowances or "don't bring this up until we're done with this ordeal please" codewords or whatever. Maybe there's no real rules and this is the wild west. It's our world to create tbh.

But at least they can be emotionally flayed for public consumption in a warm cozy workshop environment. ]

Comments

1. IN THE BEGINNING

[oldbookshop]

[ "In the beginning 11 years ago, two immortal beings decide that it might not be the right time to start an apocalypse."

first of all how dare you ]

[demonicmiracle]

[Joking around about their human dopplegangers had been sort of fun, but there's nothing about this process so far that's any kind of enjoyable. And it's only been about five minutes. Watching a face that looks remarkably like his, as he falls stupidly in love with the angel on the wall, is disconcerting. He resists the urge to cast a furtive glance at Aziraphale, hoping that he hasn't noticed that stupid, besotted smile.

The next few scenes are tolerable, if strange, hearing God's voice narrate their story and he can't help wonder if that's a narrative tool chosen by the show runners or if it's a reflection, somehow. If God was actually paying attention.

Best not to think about it.

The Antichrist handover earns a few scoffs from Crowley, at Ligur and Hastur, only to turn to a wince when Satan's voice comes over the radio, calling him darling. He's glad he was wearing glasses, for the next bit, when the instructions come and his expression goes slack.

It's not something he's ever mentioned before, how Hell can share information.]

Satan isn't much for patience. It's not as bad as it looks.

[Just... heading that off at the pass.]

[oldbookshop]

[ Note one: the actors are clearly taking some unfair liberties, because surely Aziraphale would remember if anyone had ever looked at him like that, let alone his favorite person.

Note two: perhaps children needed a Guardian of Embarrassing Incompetence and that's his niche. Good Lord.

Note three: if he ever meets this Hastur or Ligur maybe he has words for them. Just maybe. They don't appreciate Crowley's creative talents enough, frankly. Flash bastard indeed. Jealous little peons doth protest too much.

If there's a note four, this scene and Crowley's explanation interrupt it. Aziraphale is becoming a puffed-up owl. ]

Oh, that's a relief. I was thinking it looked horrifying, but at least now I know it's only awful.

[ Makes sense for Hell and all, but still. Completely uncivilized. This is always the problem with Downstairs. They can do anything to Crowley, anywhere, anytime, and it's out of anyone else's hands.

It's very angelic to hold a grudge against Lucifer, surely. For noble reasons like that. ]

[demonicmiracle]

It's not awful.

[The worst part is that it's the truth, except only because he's operating on a different scale than other people might. It isn't really awful, not compared to some of the things that Hell could do to him.]

S'partly why I never asked you 'round the flat much, though. They were even worse with the bloody TV, popping on whenever they felt like it.

[oldbookshop]

Well it looks like it is. You were being entrusted with the lynchpin of Armageddon! They couldn't pin a note to the basket?

[ Why is he even having a strop about this. Because he can and he cares and, maybe, slightly because the implication is that he could have been spending more time with Crowley if not for this utter lack of boundaries.

But isn't that always the case? The never ending list of "if not for"s? ]

I've always thought humans created too many open windows with modern technology... it's dreadful.

[ If Heaven ever tried to issue him a smartphone, he used it as a coaster under a wine glass. Paranoid or based? Only time may tell. ]

2. THE BOOK

[oldbookshop]

[ "Having followed the wrong boy for years, Aziraphale and Crowley must try to find the location of the real Antichrist, perhaps the story of Agnes Nutter and her famous prophecies will hold the answer."

tmw human characters start turning up and 99% of them it's like who tf were they again were they at armageddon???? ]

3. HARD TIMES

[oldbookshop]

[ "Following Aziraphale and Crowley's friendship across the ages; in the present day, Agnes Nutter's descendant Anathema arrives in Tadfield on her own mission to save the world."

omg.... the most mortifying part of the mortifying ordeal ]

[demonicmiracle]

[There's so much to unpack during Hard Times but let's spare a moment for Crowley's sanity after he saved Aziraphale's books in 1941 and the music fucking swells as Aziraphale looks at him walking away????

Is that his lietmotif??? From the lullaby???

He's going to lose his mind and he can't even react right now because he can't handle any response from Aziraphale, either negative or positive. He's doing everything in his power not to break his glass as he stares at the screen.]

[oldbookshop]

[ ykw that's fair he can have his minute for sanity. Aziraphale is busy going a tiny bit red in the face because the entire show just put him on blast even more than it already was. Right in front of his petit fours??? Oh god. Everything in this episode has already been insane and they're only in the beginning of it. A fucking parade of him embarrassingly looking at Crowley while Crowley's not looking at him, and here is the coup de gras.

Aziraphale pulls the mental emergency cord and suddenly starts finding the walls and the floor absolutely fascinating. He's fiddling with his hands. The whole nine yards.

Does this stop him from also shooting strategically spaced out twitterpated side glances all over again because oh, it was nearly exactly how he remembered, and he has to admit it's-- quite lovely to revisit? No. But Crowley's not looking at him out here in real life either. He's as casual as ever about it, somehow, like it wasn't--

Well, spilled milk and all that. Probably a blessing, if Crowley's missed the implications. He's probably having apparently-traumatic flashbacks to the bullet catch trick in advance. Bitch is going through it.

So sneaking some looks is fine. This is all fine and normal actually. Crowley can have his valiantly-unbroken glass topped off, as a little treat. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[It's a moment of revelation. That's what the music is, what Aziraphale's expression means. Crowley's watched more than enough movies to know how these narratives work. The show moves on, to a back room in a dingy pub, but Crowley isn't really paying attention to that.

He's too busy wondering what it is that Aziraphale realized, standing there in the ruins of a church. It was because of the books, but not about the books, not really, or he would've been looking at them, not at Crowley.

I'm always looking at you.

It turns out that's far more true than he thought, after watching this bloody show, with all the glances directed his way when his back was turned or his attention caught by something else. It's not like he hasn't done the same, and he's going to have to deal with that at some point, but it's far in the back of his thoughts at present.

He desperately wants to ask, but when he risks a brief glance in Aziraphale's direction, it suddenly feels too invasive. He's witnessed something that wasn't meant to be witnessed. It wouldn't be right to pry further.]

I'd have — [He's a bit startled at how tight his voice sounds, and he has to clear his throat, as much as he hates how obvious it makes him.] — I'd have thought they'd show the bullet catch. That whole mess would've made for good television.

[oldbookshop]

[ Aziraphale feels a bit like he's been allowed to narrowly dodge a bullet just now, coincidentally. He couldn't spin up a nice concise answer to a what's all that about if his life depended on it. And Crowley didn't try to laugh it off, either, which would have been the worst-case scenario.

The least likely scenario, of course, because Crowley teases and has his fun and might have a laugh at him, but Crowley never really laughs at him. Still. Good to have it off the list officially.

(Though he fears more with each scene that he may need to rework his romance flow chart from the ground up. Crowley may in fact... already be thoroughly courted. The audacity of that bitch.) ]

Can producers set a hard limit on depictions of magic acts per, um. Per season? [ That's what television producers do, right. Does this count as a season if there's only the six episodes? Doesn't matter. Because even with the crushing grip of dread that comes with seeing Crowley's lovely sixties turtleneck look and all that it likely entails, Aziraphale is objectively put out to not be watching the bullet catch right now.

It would be amazing television, surely. Drama, comedy, suspense, intrigue. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[Sidenote: this reaction is gonna sustain him for another thousand years.]

4. SATURDAY MORNING FUNTIME

[oldbookshop]

[ "Aziraphale and Crowley's friendship is tested to the limit as their superiors catch up with them; Armageddon starts in earnest, as the Antichrist's powers wreak havoc across the globe."

never mind this is definitely the most mortifying part ]

[demonicmiracle]

[Rehashing their fight outside the bookshop is unpleasant, and Crowley spends those small handful of minutes focused on his drink rather than daring to look at Aziraphale. He is, at this point, more than a little sloshed, but he still remembers what's coming after he speeds off again in the Bentley.]

This is — er — the holy water. If y'don't want t'watch.

[oldbookshop]

Ah.

[ Two paths diverged in a yellow wood. Because Aziraphale doesn't think he does have too much interest in watching. He's seen his fill of demons being wiped away from existence through that particular method, thank you very much.

On the other hand, he wants to avoid potentially instigating another bloody talk about it. He thinks they've put that to bed well enough, but one can't be too certain.

Split the difference. He can look somewhere else when it happens and probably be fine. Tune out. Not like it's Crowley getting-- actually, he won't even finish that thought. He'll move on. ]

You were, um. Careful with it? No personal close calls?

[ It's probably silly to ask. There's no reason to think Crowley wouldn't have been careful. The confirmation just has some bearing on his capacity to stay in the room. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[This part isn't part that he's worried about Aziraphale seeing for his own sake, so either answer won't trouble him, despite the earlier discussion. He said what he needed to say, no need to retread that ground.]

There's actual PPE involved.

[That's honestly the best explanation he could give in answer. He was as careful as a demon can be while handling holy water.]

Er, and there's no holy water in the plant mister, if they show that bit. Tried to bluff, didn't work, s'fine.

[He has no idea whether or not it'll be shown, but he suspects it would make for good television, the tense moment before the droplet of water touched his skin.]

[oldbookshop]

[ Okay. That actually does drain some of the tension out of Aziraphale's shoulders. He won't have to watch Crowley be loosey-goosey about his own conditional mortality. He'll be watching him be very careful with it and then recklessly bluffing with regular water, which is different.

And if Aziraphale doesn't feel like watching whichever random demon it is become a smudge on the floor, then he just won't watch that part. That's fine. ]

Well, I think it sounds like a very clever bluff to make whether it worked or not. Keeps them at a better range.

[ He's allowed to say that because he's already decided he's right. It sounds clever. Good way to buy a few moments to think, which tends to be when Crowley shines. ]

5. THE DOOMSDAY OPTION

[oldbookshop]

[ "Aziraphale and Crowley race toward Tadfield airbase as they attempt to prevent Adam and the Four Horsemen from starting the apocalypse; one has been discorporated and the other is trapped in a flaming motorway."

Crowley wet cat mode confirmed???? idk man this entire episode is fucking wild ]

wet cat mode indeed confirmed

[oldbookshop]

[ Here's the thing. Aziraphale wasn't very sure what to expect out of the point in the timeline where he got back in touch with Crowley. It would have to be part of this somehow, he supposes, in the same way he's expecting that connecting with Madame Tracy might need to be part of it.

They're clearly a very large part of the focus of this story, for some godforsaken reason. Having it shown how they got to Tadfield in the end is just good narrative sense.

Whatever he was thinking about expecting, it wasn't... this thing that's happening right now. The being very drunk and sad and sort of pathetic (affectionate). ]

You went to a pub?

[ It sort of seemed like when he left the bookshop he was going somewhere with dire intent. Not that Aziraphale guesses he can blame him. He'd looked-- well, he'd looked awfully--

A way that Aziraphale doesn't want to ever see him look in reality. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[At some point during the bookshop fire, Crowley had retreated to the back of the room to fidget anxiously and try not to pace and he'd eventually started chain-smoking cigarettes and miracling away the smoke.

He doesn't want to bear witness to any of this again.

Crowley remembers being very drunk, rambling to no one about falling. He remembers Aziraphale, there but not quite, and how it had felt like breathing again after holding his breath for millennia. But he hadn't known what he looked like.

A new cigarette gets lit, to give him something to look at other than the screen.]

World was ending. Wasn't much else to do.

[oldbookshop]

There were a lot of other things you could have done. The world was ending, not ended.

[ Not an infinite list of things, certainly nothing likely to keep him free and clear of Armageddon for eternity, but. But things.

Aziraphale can't come up with any of those things, but he's sure there are some. Crowley had an entire plan to leave the planet until "stuff happened." No other plans afoot, Aziraphale thinks, like if he thought he'd lost Crowley forever he wouldn't have lent significant thought to getting hammered and waiting for all the other shoes to fall?

He's glad he's a bit drunk right now in real life. The television just keeps showing him Crowley's misery and his sad aimless ramblings. How is anyone supposed to cope? ]

If I knew you were drunk and upset when I found you, I would've tried to be nicer about it.

6. THE VERY LAST DAY OF THE REST OF THEIR LIVES

[oldbookshop]

[ "Adam, Crowley and Aziraphale must work together to fight the powers of heaven and hell and prevent the apocalypse; they find out the fate that awaits them if they do."

It has everything... drama romance suspense being dramatic little bitches making heart eyes at each other. Also the world is fine or whatever. ]

[oldbookshop]

[ Chronological order inside the episode headers is fake. It needs to be on the official record that when Anathema burns the second prophecy book, Aziraphale makes a drama queen sound like he just got stabbed, and snaps his stubby pencil in half in his hand.

He can't believe he was so deceived. The whole time, this was a horror story. ]

[demonicmiracle]

[Oof.

Crowley winces in sympathy, despite mostly wanting to just lay down on the floor for a few hundred years. Or lock himself in a closet. He hasn't decided yet.]

It was probably blank pages. Agnes must've known she'd burn it.

[Does that help? He hopes that helps.]

[oldbookshop]

[ Live Aziraphale reaction: 🥺

That actually does help quite a lot. Agnes knew about his cocoa, surely she would have foreseen this tragedy. ]

Do you really think so?