oldbookshop | LONGESTNIGHT | mortifying ordeal 2k24

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LONGESTNIGHT | mortifying ordeal 2k24

[ We're out here... we're at it. Snacks on lock. Beverages even more on lock because how else are they supposed to be expected to get through this. A watch setup that they can be sure no one else will wander in on, because that would make this even weirder.

(Aziraphale was mostly involved with the snacks and drinks, and not at all involved with any sort of tech setup. He's got a little notebook and a stubby pencil in case he needs to jot things down.)

They've agreed on their basic ground rules terms, whatever those look like. Who even truly knows. Probably some no-questions-asked "look away from this" allowances or "don't bring this up until we're done with this ordeal please" codewords or whatever. Maybe there's no real rules and this is the wild west. It's our world to create tbh.

But at least they can be emotionally flayed for public consumption in a warm cozy workshop environment. ]

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I think he might have just been bird-watching. But I'll admit it's very hard to tell with him.

[ The Horsemen are all strange and nebulous and hard to read on the individual level. Comes of being personifications of concepts, he imagines. It's definitely probably fine. ]

Odd place to be bird-watching, with everything that was going on.

[Death has always been the best and worst of them to deal with. A lot loss volatile than War, less of an ego than Famine, and Pestilence was — well. But Death is inevitable, and there's something that's always unpleasant about that.]

Maybe he was expecting us to make a last stand.

[Which is yet another thing he's not sure he wants to think about.]

[ Fair point, that. Bird-watching with a side of being a very bad sign? A warning?

Aziraphale doesn't intend to ever ask. ]

The first last stand we made should have been more than enough. [ They were going to fight Satan with a hand crank and a fiery stick if an 11 year old couldn't fix things. It doesn't get much more last stand than that, surely. ] So if that's what he was after, I suppose it's flattering that we were a step ahead.

S'different, that was for the whole world. He'd have been busy with the rest of it.

[If Adam didn't sort things out and they did have to attempt to fight Satan, it would've meant the apocalypse restarting.

The two of them against a gaggle of demons and/or angels would've been messy but contained.]

Wonder if the swap tricked him, too. Not that I've any intention of talking to the bastard again, if it can be avoided.

Oh, too busy to be a looky-loo that day. [ Mature things to mutter about literal Death.

Which is more to say, that's a fair enough point. Lots going on. A free little show in St. James, well. Could have had appeal. ]

Nor do I. Would've been very interesting to know, though. Death does sort of- [ weird swirly gesture ]- operate a bit on his own plane.

[ Maybe he was able to clock the difference in their corporations in ways angels and demons couldn't. Not fascinating enough to try to ask him, but still fascinating. ] I do hope he's not frequenting the park anymore now that it's done.

[ How would the ducks cope? ]

[Crowley loves him and his bitchy little asides so much it makes him look stupid. If he looks unbearably fond in Aziraphale's direction no he doesn't.]

All of them operate on their own damn plane, but Death's definitely the most...

[Weird swirly gesture.]

The ducks would put up a protest, I'm sure.

[ Every single thing about what Crowley just said is so on Aziraphale's wavelength, it's uncanny. He's perfect. He's perfect and if the television is to be believed, he's looking at Aziraphale all the time when Aziraphale can't even see it. Infuriating. ]

And they'd be right to. [ Go somewhere else. They've got dibs on London as an Earthly living space.

As a temperature check on coping methods: local angel currently exactly tipsy enough to blow a raspberry when the seance pops back up. ] Oh. Ron. I remember this bit.

[ Then again, he remembers most of the bits. ]

[Temperature check results: Crowley is coping well enough that he can also scoff at the seance.

Just for different reasons.]

I'm disappointed I missed out on that, looks like it was a lark. [He could've caused sooooo many problems on purpose.] That Tracy seems fun, too, bet she'd get along with your Mrs. Sandwich.

[Mrs. Sandwich his beloved.]

Madame Tracy and Mrs. Sandwich would delight each other. [ Two powerhouses... deserving the world. Doing their best. Maybe Mrs. Sandwich could talk Tracy out of being interested in Shadwell. Of all blasted people. Peace and love XOXO, etc.

It would have been better if Crowley were also at the seance. Very good reason for not being, obviously, and Aziraphale would have been very cross if he'd put off heading to the air base, but like. Spiritually, it would have been nice, in the way that even dreadful things are often better if Crowley is there. ]

If I had to have two humans round for tea on short notice, I think they'd be contenders.

[ Would he invite them if he wasn't mysteriously hypothetically forced to? Probably not. Depends on the day, depends on his mood. Those two would probably have interesting stories for days, though, and that's huge. ]

It'd likely kill Shadwell, too. [(positive)

Crowley never liked the man and that's only gotten worse now that he knows the idiot is responsible for Aziraphale being discorporated and the bookshop fire. The whole apocalypse experience would've been different, without that mess.]

Can we include dead ones? After seeing Agnes Nutter, I'd like to chat with her for a while.

[She was so iconic for the gunpowder in the skirts.]

[ Oh no not Shadwell. Etc etc. Things not said but agreed with. Had the audacity to imply Aziraphale was straight. ]

I would love to talk with her. So many questions to ask. [ Unfair! He can never get her autograph.

All of which is secondary because the seance..... dismisses. Politely. And now Crowley is white-knuckling through traffic with a free flashback to his terrible moustache. There are more important things at hand. ]

Why would they not be applauding? That's clever! The M25 was clever!

[ Satan doesn't count because it's creepy how he calls Crowley darling. Only Aziraphale should be allowed to do that, when he's enacted his plan to become an item officially. Fuck off. ]

[Crowley isn't too surprised that they decided to use this situation for the show; it's important enough for how he got to Tadfield and dramatic enough that the audience would probably like it.

He's not sure how to personally feel about seeing it again, wondering if he should warn for the Hastur jumpscare. It's probably fine.]

They aren't very good at big picture moves. If you asked them, one single soul doomed is better than hundreds of thousand of miserable bastards going about their day.

[And maybe it is. Maybe that's why Crowley preferred the big picture schemes, to avoid actually damning any singular person.]

[ Of course. No appreciation for the complicated nature of humanity, and Crowley's inherent kindness. Not a grand match, he supposes.

They don't deserve him, in the mean way, as no one ever has deserved him. And Crowley doesn't deserve them in that he deserves much better. ]

'What's a computer?' [ SCOFFS. ] Ridiculous. Hardly see them doing anything.

[ Like??? The evidence is speaking for itself on screen. All that cumulative power, built up over years. Not that Aziraphale approves of evil, objectively. Just of his crush. ]

There's a reason Hell mostly left me to my own devices.

[Both because they're fucking stupid, and because the one who were smart enough to be in charge understood that Crowley was doing far more work than the average demon.

No wonder he's been kind of bored, stuck in the North Pole. He's used to having multiple ongoing projects to manage.]

Anyway, you'd hardly want them up on Earth keeping busy like I was. You'd never get any reading in.

[ Yes, because they're very stupid and underappreciative. Not that... not that it's a bad thing that they did mostly leave Crowley alone. Any time that they haven't left him to his own devices--

Well, doesn't need repeating. Aziraphale is not a fan, and he'll leave it at that in his mind palace. ]

Hm. Small mercies, yes. I wouldn't have cottoned to a smiting quota, so you wouldn't have ever heard the end of it.

[ The elaborate non-smiting circles Aziraphale would have to invent to deal with other demons who he doesn't care about. Ugh. How would he enjoy his reading, indeed. His dinner dates. His stage shows. It wouldn't do at all. ]

Would've been a nightmare.

[They both know that Crowley likely would've handled the problem for him and found a way to allow Aziraphale to take credit.

He wouldn't want too many other demons on Earth, either.

And ah, there's Hastur. Crowley hisses at the screen on instinct, remembering how raw and vulnerable he'd felt in that moment. It had been awful, Hastur being there.]

[ The Hastur jumpscare is real, not clickbait. Aziraphale is certainly very jumped, although not especially scared because it's just Hastur.

Hastur in Crowley's car. In Aziraphale's seat (if anyone else ever sits there or has sat there that's not his business, but when it's this gross random demon it suddenly matters very much). Touching Crowley's glasses.

What won't Hell take from his romantic daydreams? First darling, now taking off Crowley's glasses? Nothing is sacred.

Aziraphale is very good at restraint, as a rule. Well, a lot of the time. Perhaps not in the sense of refraining from his little indulgences and delights, or his books, or his shop, or his foods. So when it matters, he thinks, he's gotten a lot of practice with it over the years. Good at pulling his face back into order, swallowing feelings down before they can turn into words.

But Hastur is in his seat touching his demon while TV Crowley is in the middle of worrying and trying to be very clever. Frankly, it's a miracle Aziraphale doesn't just throw his glass at the screen as a reflex. ]

Oh, for- how many more times are we going to have to look at this- this blasted lobcock mucking about?

[ He's sick of it!!!! He'd literally rather be in a room with Sandalphon again than have to keep seeing Hastur disrespect the most important person in the world. Unprofessional! Classless! And also very stupid! Fuck Hastur, Aziraphale and his one friend hate Hastur. ]

[There are a few thoughts bumping up against one another in Crowley's brain as he observes these events from an outside perspective, but all of them are knocked aside with a bark of startled laughter at lobcock.

There's also something about Aziraphale's vehemence that he's going to tuck away to mull over later. It's just sort of – nice, to have someone upset and angry on his behalf, when he's always just had to accept this treatment as a given and wasn't allowed to be angry about it himself.]

Oh, don't worry, you'll like this next bit. I can't wait to see the look on Hastur's ugly mug.

[He couldn't really spare more than a quick glance at the time, as focused as he was.]

[ At least he got a laugh out of it. Crowley has a top-tier laugh. Very soothing to hear in these stressful times.

Should have terrorized Hastur while he was wearing Crowley's face, he thinks, and then has to give himself the entire mental talking-to about what the whole point was. Better not to have all the personal vendettas rekindled fresh, probably. ]

I'm going to hold you to that. [ He wants to see carnage. Some degree of it. Proper recompense. Which, of course, is promptly delivered in spades.

Go with style. God. Crowley is unfairly attractive and Aziraphale can't say that or say how much he loves him. How dare he. ]

Oh, you were right. [ :) ! The degree of carnage. Just this once, Aziraphale will be bloodthirsty on main. Not counting any times he may have been in recent history or will be again in the future. ] Creative thinking really is your specialty, isn't it?

[ And a very gay pat on the arm to boot. ]

[Crowley still hasn't figured out where he falls on the topic of the narrator; is it actually God? A stylistic choice? Something else entirely? It drags up a lot of further, more complicated questions, especially when She's all but complimenting him, talking about his imagination.

He hadn't expected that, and he feels a bit like he's going to throw up about it, but he shoves that down and focuses on Aziraphale.

Compliments from Aziraphale are still slightly complicated, but not nearly as much as the ones from God are.]

It's gotten me out of more than a few tricky situations. This one was very satisfying.

[Although he feels bad about the Bentley :( Getting it back doesn't entirely undone the suffering.]

I'm sure it was. Serves him right for trespassing. [ Well-deserved satisfaction. Good for Crowley. Hastur more than had it coming, and Aziraphale will stay firmly of of that opinion forever.

It's not on sight if Hastur turns up, but it's not not on sight, either. The way Hell gets away with treating Crowley... atrocious. Unacceptable. ]

Suppose this explains why you were fashionably late to the occasion. It's a complex bit of reality to hold together for that distance, in those conditions.

[ Preemptive RIP and welcome back, Bentley. They could put you in the dictionary next to the definition of loyalty. ]

Serves him right for being a bastard.

[He isn't changing his mind that he would've preferred to get Hastur with the holy water, rather than Ligur, but he can't go back and change it, so he'll just have to live with having made Hastur suffer a bit.]

It was bloody exhausting, you're lucky I didn't need a couple months of sleep between that and dragging us to the sands of time.

Very lucky. Yes, I think so.

[ For reasons of loving him, and for the more practical reasons of managing to survive their own executions, which can be used to camouflage the reason Aziraphale can't just go around saying out loud.

It all worked out with an eerie, unbelievable sort of precision, didn't it. ]

Put your quick-thinking through its paces and then some. [ Look. He'll own that a little. He was very much the come up with something one at work on the back end there. ] A miracle you're conscious even now, really.

[ Okay, maybe that part is him teasing a little. Imagine sleeping after a day like that one. He can't. ]

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LONGESTNIGHT | mortifying ordeal 2k24

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back at it again with leaving tags half-finished in an open tab only to discover them the next day

im in that picture and i dont like it

its very sexy of us

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