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[ A unified front can be two immortal beings agreeing it would have been nice if the AU version of them got together. Despite everything. Aziraphale loves this lil pastime of theirs.

That said: time to take direst offense on Crowley's behalf. ]

Your what? [ Ex? Boyfriend?

His poor beloved. That's cruel and unusual, there's no world where Lucifer of all beings is actually a lovely human partner. ]

Of all the poor taste. I'm so sorry, my dear. [ The magic was out of fucking pocket. ]

[The offense isn't entirely surprising, Aziraphale is hardly a fan of Satan, but he is slightly surprised by how much better it immediately makes him feel.

There may have been a tiny part of him that was bracing for Aziraphale to – interpret it poorly or read something into it that isn't actually there.]

Suppose there aren't a whole lot of equal equivalencies to all that demon business. [You know, torture, etc.

He suspects that his fake parents served as a proxy for God, based on how they treated him, but it's probably best to keep that to himself.]

He was a cult leader, of all things.

[ First real Satan makes darling ominous and off-putting, now this. The false memory of him a stain on romance when Crowley deserves the world. Even Aziraphale's bad self esteem can't fumble on that one. He's thoroughly disgruntled.

Hopefully Crowley is prepared to keep being petted, fulfilling his sacred stim toy duty. Maybe if Aziraphale asks nicely he'll let him comb through his wings once he's back to humanoid. He'd probably let him even if he didn't ask nicely. Why pretend otherwise. ]

I suppose that bit makes sense. As attempted human equivalencies go. [ Not! That he's giving any sort of credit to anything! ] Fear, manipulation, false promises... typical fit.

[ Things to say unironically, with his whole chest. ]

[It's entirely possible that he would have returned to human by now if he wasn't getting petted; the affection is comforting, and he's worried it'll stop when he turns back.

Not that he thinks Aziraphale wouldn't want to touch him, just that these things are complicated.]

Not to mention the murders. [It was definitely a Charles Mansion sort of vibe.] Sort of interesting, in a way, how it all translated. That it could get into our heads like that, whatever the damn spell was.

[ Of course there were murders. Should have started guessing with murders, that all sounds right up Hell's alley. ]

Very interesting. In a, in a purely objective sort of way, of course. [ Less objectively, it's-- well. There are a lot of other fitting words. 'Terrifying' comes to mind, but there's no point making a fuss now that it's over. ] I don't know if any of the other Guardians have a more comprehensive idea of how it was done. We may need to poke about.

[ See if there's such a thing as preventative measures. If there's anything to find out at all.

Magic, enchantments, spells, those tend to tie into systems with rules. Boundaries. You can pick apart what's already there and reshape it, sometimes. ]

[It could be considered rude that Crowley has no plans to ask Aziraphale about how his own background was modified to fit a human life, except he's only keeping those questions to himself because he knows that Aziraphale isn't going to want to discuss it.]

The magic oriented ones might. It'd be brilliant if we could figure out a way to avoid it, if someone tries it again.

[He's had his memories fucked with enough, thank you.]

[ Only rude to the outside observer. Considerate and wise to those in the know. Aziraphale can't survive without processing time or compartmentalizing time. Crowley gets it.

He'd rather avoid it and think about things like Crowley. And prevention of future incidents. ]

Yes, precisely. Some preventative measures. [ Crowley is so clever. He loves him. ] Or if not preventative, maybe... restorative?

Huh.

[Crowley was thinking along the lines of preventative, but restorative is something else entirely.

He falls into a contemplative silence for a moment, considering that potential options if that's the angle they want to play.]

I've heard of it being done before, sort of... popping a bunch of memories into a vessel. It's not easy, but folks have tried it.

[ Not unheard of, then. That's a good sign, Aziraphale thinks. It means there's a theoretical ground floor to work from rather than building entirely on theory. ]

Is that so? I suppose it makes sense. [ That someone would have tried. That it wouldn't be easy.

One never knows when upper management might push the paperwork through for a reset. ] I'll start looking into that option as well. Run a bit of test work. The key would be in working out how to store a safe duplicate instead of making a direct transfer... something to pick at. The more avenues we have to explore, the better.

[ And then obviously they will never have to worry about having an experience like they've had ever again. Because it will work. Something will work. ]

[Crowley starts to respond, then grumbles a little before indulging in one last nuzzle into Aziraphale's jaw so that he can slide off his shoulders and onto the sofa.]

Feel like I ought to be properly shaped for this.

[So he's just gonna shift back to human, which includes an outfit change from what he'd been wearing as a human into his silk pajamas, a clear indication as any that he's not going anywhere else for the time being.]

Anyway, right. Duplication is gonna be the hard part, might work best if we narrow it down to few memories rather than everything, 'specially if we're made fully human. Their brains aren't meant to fit that much.

[ There he goes. The snake scarf is gone. Understandable, but it will still be missed. This is simply the price one must pay for an in-depth theoretical conversation.

It's just as comforting to see the most familiar face in the world, anyway. Aziraphale sets his glass down so that he can steal one of Crowley's hands instead. Play with his fingers and whatnot. So casually. Very romantically. ]

That was a proper headache. Started losing things as quickly as we'd gotten them back. [ Human brains. Ugh. Even the Wilderlands hadn't been like that about it. He is cross. ] Downsizing has never quite... well, been my forte. Where storage is concerned. That might be the more challenging part.

[ Him? A hoarder? Nahhhh. ]

[If Crowley looks hopelessly in love when Aziraphale takes his hand, that's no one's business but his own. The contact is more than welcome; he even encourages it by turning to face Aziraphale slightly, bringing a leg up onto the couch so his knee rests against Aziraphale's thigh.]

Well — [Hopelessly in love expression replaced by a slight grimace.] — I've got some experience with that. I've got a decent idea of how to pick the right memories so you don't lose the shape of the room even if the furniture's missing.

[Great metaphor. Nailed it.

Talking about falling is difficult.]

[ How is someone supposed to contend with being looked at like that? It's madness.

Then again, Aziraphale feels bad about inspiring the look that follows. It's a harsh economy. ]

Right. [ He thinks he follows, anyway. ] We don't-- we don't need to discuss the particulars right this minute. If you'd rather wait.

[ Sometimes it's better to have the time to steel oneself beforehand. Think on a thing and how to say it.

In any case, he doesn't want to make Crowley so uncomfortable that he has to forfeit the physical contact for a bit. Most issues can wait for that purpose, in fact. ]

[Crowley uses his free hand to wave away the unspoken concern; it's not entirely unfounded, but he's not quite ready to acknowledge all that, especially when there's so much else that's gone on recently.]

S'fine — I mean, can't imagine we're going to solve this in an evening, but it's hardly a big deal. [Liar.

Fortunately, a distracting thought occurs.] Could just keep a copy of that TV show on hand, see if it jogs our memories.

[ Demons be like it's no big deal, it's just a defining point of trauma in my entire existence.

Aziraphale is always easy enough to distract, though. Especially when he personally wants to be easily distracted. Mentioning the show is a shoe-in. ]

I don't know that he would have liked it enough to watch. The human me. [ Who was NOT him and NOT the same in the same way that Timothy wasn't. Separation is the only way to cope.

Can't believe he has to remember that that Michael Sheen man exists and that Crowley said he wasn't bad-looking though. Wow. ]

Doesn't hurt to consider, I suppose.

[Unlike the situation with the daemons, Crowley is currently more than willing to lean into the concept of separation between themselves and their human selves. For various reasons.]

Make it a bit of a mystery and almost any version of me will be interested.

[Willing to briefly submit to the mortifying ordeal of self-reflection.]

Suppose we should turn it into a book for you.

[Nerd (affectionate).]

[ One of the many ways in which Crowley is right and clever. ]

We can leave a trail of tantalizing clues. [ Clues™️. Aziraphale makes the dramatic gesture to go with it. Crowley's hand comes along for that journey, but it can have a quick kiss for the trouble. ] And if some clues happen to lead to a mysterious book or letter, well.

[ Then curiosity would get him on track, too. Likely as not. Aziraphale tends not to question certain things, lord knows, but there was never a rule against... wondering. Going over a hypothetical or two, to himself, very carefully. ]

If any accuracies remain in another version of myself, he'll hardly just leave it alone, either.

[ He'll lead himself to his diaries so that even if it doesn't work or he doesn't believe them, he'll sit still reading for long enough to get spotted. Obviously. ]

Don't say clues like that.

[Crowley can basically hear the ™️thrown onto that and he can't believe how charmed he is by both the tone and the ridiculous dramatic gesture. It really shouldn't be a surprise at this point, and yet here they are.]

There'll be plenty of accuracies, I'm sure. They could really only change us so much.

[Short of something very powerful getting involved, in which case they're likely fucked anyway.]

[ Aziraphale's baffled and offended "bitch what else could I possibly call them, they would be clues™️!" look is almost immediately undercut by the general reprisal of, in his opinion, still the loveliest and most romantic sentiment Crowley has ever expressed to him. Even if in this context it's more about the technicality of the thing than the emotional draw.

It's just still a good thought. One he'd like to hold onto. That they'd be naturally drawn into each other's orbit anytime they got half a chance.

Well. He's allowed to take a moment look sentimental on main about the wording regardless. It's largely confirmed that Crowley likes his personality by this point, and he's got lost romantic-awareness time to make up for. ]

I'd say that we'll test that theory next time, but I'd really rather not. [ Sold as a set. Do not separate. ] The fewer lives we need to disentangle, the better.

[ Human brains weren't meant to contain all the information that comes with them, just by nature. But picking through things after being overwritten in the other direction is. Well, it's odd. Partly because of the similarities.

Being a human is such messy business, in any case. ]

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shows back up 7 days later with starbucks

we all out here struggling